Cut the Bullshit with Dr. J.J. Kelly
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Have you ever noticed how many songs are about anger? The emotion that so many people barely acknowledge, don’t want to talk about, pretend is something else, stuff down entirely, or refuse to name–is the fuel behind the fire of a LOT of songs. No matter the type of music you are into, I guarantee there are dozens of songs that are obviously around the theme of anger. Whether you like “Killing in the Name Of” (Rage Against the Machine), “This Is America” (Childish Gambino), “Bad Guy” (Billie Eilish), “Before He Cheats” (Carrie Underwood) or “Rolling in the Deep” (Adele), you can find an anthem that represents the kind of anger you feel most deeply in your bones. Pretty. Damn. Cool.
And yet, so many people wander through this life refusing to talk about anger at all. In fact, some cultures and family systems take deep, deep pride in refusing to acknowledge the existence of any “challenging” emotion, and anger is at the top of all of those lists. Perhaps this is the reason so many of these songs exist, to begin with–to help those of us who feel like we have no other way of expressing or acknowledging anger exists at all feel a little less alone in our experiences.
Also, as a bit of a sidebar here, I think it’s important to acknowledge there are many cultures and family systems that do allow the expression of anger and don’t necessarily consider it negative, toxic, or problematic. In fact, part of my cultural background falls into this category, which is why I feel the need to make sure I’m acknowledging it. That being said, I also need to note the expression of anger (and many other emotions) in these systems is not always effective, appropriate, or constructive. Ultimately, I also experienced a lot of that and I know many people who have as well. People, families, and cultures are complicated. Any chance we have to acknowledge a shared experience in some way and learn from each other is worth leaning into.
So anger, this emotion that we don’t want to talk about yet all of us feel at different times, is often the source of tension and conflict–something everyone I speak with wants to get better at managing, minimizing, and navigating. Yet the problem is the reason we are looking for solutions to manage, minimize, and navigate the tension is precisely because we are not dealing with the anger. We aren’t learning how to express anger, how to say what we need to say, how to manage ourselves in the moment and not take things personally, or how to be with someone else when they are angry.
Imagine if we lived in a world where we could all identify, name, and express whatever feeling we were feeling in a way that was consistently effective, appropriate, and not taken personally–that enabled us to work towards solutions in a constructive way.
My friend, J.J., is on a mission to help create a world where that is possible.
In this week’s episode, Dr. J.J. Kelly (aka The Punk Rock Doc), talks to us about how to process anger, release emotions, and cut the bullshit to increase our emotional intelligence.
Join us as we get into:
- The misunderstanding and avoidance of anger in our society
- Why anger is necessary and how to manage it well
- Dismantling systems that don't serve us
- The best time to go into conflict
- A simple formula for assertiveness
and so much more
Conversations with J.J. tend to leave a lasting impression and this one certainly does that -- it's the butt-kicking we didn't know we all needed!
Listen in and see what this episode triggers for you. I’d also love to know your favorite songs about anger!
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Dr. J.J. Kelly, The Punk Rock Doc, is a licensed clinical psychologist, emotional intelligence skills training expert, and bestselling author of The Holy Shit Series. J.J. is also the CEO & Founder of UnorthoDocs, Inc., a punk alternative to traditional psychotherapy. Dr. Kelly and the unortho “docs” live their lives with the belief that global healing is achieved by teaching people the skills to like themselves. “Happy People Act Right!” - Dr. J.J. Kelly, The Punk Rock Doc
You can learn more about or connect with J.J. on her website at https://www.drjjkelly.com/ or on Instagram @drjjkelly.