Episode 36 - Breaking Leadership Norms with Kasthuri Thiru

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A number of years ago I started doing an “Elephant in the Room” exercise with clients. I’ve adapted it and changed it up based on the audience, the number of people, how well they know each other, and what the intention behind the exercise was. But, the key parts of it always remain the same: we are giving people an opportunity to name something they think everyone is aware of but no one is talking about, despite the fact it is unavoidable in some way. 

It’s a wildly effective exercise and always sparks valuable conversation, regardless of how hard the topic may seem. After the exercise, people are always stunned at how something that is so simple can have that kind of impact on the group (and also, how much even the most connected and vulnerable teams don’t actually say out loud). 

Here’s the secret I always tell them: there is more power in naming things than we realize.

When we name the elephant in the room, that thing we are avoiding talking about, we take the power away from it. We stop it from being able to skulk around in the shadows and we shine a spotlight on it. Once we do that, it is much much harder to avoid or ignore. 

By naming the thing we are avoiding, we take the power away from it. 

In my experience, this applies to pretty much everything. 

Are you avoiding looking deeply at some part of yourself you’re ashamed of? Name it, look directly at it, and suddenly there’s a lot less shame there because the power has been shifted. 

Are you avoiding a conversation because you don’t know how to give someone hard feedback? Name it. Acknowledge for yourself that you’ve been avoiding this out of fear of whatever that thing is for you. When you do that, it doesn’t seem as hard to step into conversation with that person anymore. 

Are you avoiding telling someone how you feel about them because you’re afraid they’ll reject you? Name it. Call out the fear of rejection for what it is and look directly at it. Whether or not you decide to say anything to the other person, you have taken the power back for yourself and can make a decision that isn’t based in fear. 

The truth is, I could write an entire book on the power of naming things and why it’s especially important for leaders to have the courage to speak up and speak into things that people are afraid of shining a light on. 

In fact, part of the purpose behind this podcast is exactly that... to name what people are experiencing so others can feel less alone as they go through similar things. 

My podcast guest this week is Kasthuri Thiru who speaks about the importance of getting things out in the open and looking outside the “norms” that we often expect or associate with leadership. 

Kasthuri questions how people in marginalized groups (women, BBIPOC, LGBTQ+, differently-abled, etc.) are supposed to fit in or find space at work or as leaders when we continue to expect people to show up in the same way as other leaders. 

If diversity and inclusivity are actually the goals, then we have to set different expectations and reward different behaviours in leaders so we can start seeing more fresh eyes and diverse perspectives. 

Kasthuri’s advice is for everyone to feel confident about what they are bringing to the table and to never lose the superpowers that set them apart in the first place. 

I hope you enjoy this episode and would love to hear your thoughts.

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To learn more about Kasthuri Thiru, you can find her on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/kasthurithiru/).